Mum&Baby

DJ Sabby on prioritising family time

Celebrity Articles

From humble beginnings to dominating the airwaves and TV screens, it is safe to say that Sabelo Mtshali, popularly known as DJ Sabby, has become one of Mzansi’s favourite celebrities.

The Metro FM radio host and his wife, Lindi Mtshali, recently welcomed the birth of their daughter, Yenakayise. For DJ Sabby, this has been a long-held dream, as he always envisioned having a daughter to complete their family. The couple, who has been together for over a decade, wed in 2022 and already welcomed a son before their wedding. He caught up with Goodwill Thomo.

How has your journey into fatherhood been?

It’s been a journey of both learning and unlearning. I’ve been discovering what it means to be a father, especially since I never had a dad. My father passed away when I was 10 years old. I had to unlearn many preconceived notions of fatherhood and instead parent from a place of what feels right for my child. I have become a father who needs to remain open to hearing my son out and I have a newborn baby.

My approach to fatherhood involves guiding from a place of personal understanding and allowing my wife to share her insights. We are raising our children as a unit, and it’s important not to overshadow one another or dismiss what my wife says. We’re building a supportive structure to create a nurturing environment for our kids. Fatherhood is a completely different world—a world that’s new and constantly evolving. It’s a realm where learning and unlearning are ongoing processes.

What is your favourite aspect of being a father?

My favourite part is being there for my children. I have two people who genuinely see me as their hero and believe that I can make things possible for them. They love me for who I am, and they want to be in my presence. Now and then, they might try to convince me to get McDonald’s or a Happy Meal, but that’s because they see me as someone who makes things happen. And I love that. I love that they look forward to seeing me when I come home. No matter what happens during the day, they are so happy to see me, they hug me. Coming home is one of my favourite parts of the day.

When I get home, my son runs up to me and often asks if he can have a sip of Coke at night, or some chocolate or cake. Even though I sometimes have to say no, I also say yes sometimes because I feel like I’ve said no for a long time. I love being there for my children. My work often takes me away from them for long periods, so when I have the chance to be with them, I always try my best to make the most of it.

How has the experience been of going from being a father of one to having two children?

The newborn requires a lot of attention, and my son might feel like he’s not getting the attention he’s used to. We have to divide our focus between him and our newborn daughter, ensuring that our newborn gets the care she needs while establishing her routine. Balancing time and ensuring everyone feels valued has been challenging. However, I’m glad that my son understands what’s happening in the family. We prepared him from the time he learned that his mother was pregnant.

He saw the growing baby bump and had some mental preparation for the new addition to our family. Despite this, there’s still a bit of parental guilt about whether I’m giving him enough attention and whether he feels the change. Three months in, we have managed to establish a good system, even though it’s been challenging. We’re creating a healthy environment, and things are going well. There’s no perfect answer to this balancing act—being a great father isn’t something I can declare myself. It’s something my son and my wife might say one day. For now, I feel that my wife and I are doing a great job together.

How was your wife’s pregnancy?

Every pregnancy is unique. We experienced some complications at the beginning, but my daughter proved to be very resilient. The first trimester was the most challenging, but after that, the pregnancy went smoothly, and the delivery was great. We’re very grateful to our doctor who has been our gynaecologist for both pregnancies. She was instrumental in making the entire process seamless.

She made both me and my wife feel comfortable and at ease. Her presence alleviated a lot of the usual anxiety and stress that comes with pregnancy. On the day my wife went into labour, she went to watch our son at school while I finished my show. Afterwards, I picked her up, and we drove to the hospital. Our doctor informed us that my wife was close to being fully dilated, and she remained very relaxed throughout the process until she gave birth.

Has being a father changed the types of gigs you accept?

I believe that being a family man has shifted the focus of my brand. Certain things no longer resonate with me because they don’t align with the person I am becoming or who I feel I am at this moment. I no longer make decisions based on past experiences alone; instead, I focus on longevity, purpose, and meaning.

While it’s tempting to be involved in everything, I’ve realised that not all opportunities are worth pursuing. I no longer take on short-term gigs or campaigns that don’t align with my values. If a project doesn’t resonate with who I am or contribute to a meaningful, long-term vision, I’m not interested. I prefer to collaborate with brands that are committed to building authentic experiences and lasting connections with their consumers. This approach allows me to remain in my most authentic and grounded state, focusing on what truly aligns with my values and goals.

What are you most excited about as you witness them grow every day?

My son is going through so many changes right now. He’s really into clothes, soccer, and even politics, which is fascinating given that his mom is a journalist. He’s always asking questions and showing a deep curiosity about the world. For instance, with tax season upon us, he’s asking questions like, “What is tax?” His interest in politics and current events seems to be influenced by his mom’s career, and I find it exciting to engage with his inquisitiveness.

The other day, during dinner, he asked the meaning of a word he saw in a YouTube video. This kind of questioning arises from his innocence and curiosity, and it’s exciting because it shows he feels comfortable exploring ideas with us. It’s the environment we’ve created that encourages him to ask questions and learn. I believe that fostering this openness helps him grow into a thoughtful and inquisitive adult.

I’m looking forward to watching my daughter grow up and seeing the person she will become. As I continue to navigate my career and embrace the future, I’m grateful for the opportunity to grow with my children. I hope for the time to continue evolving in my profession, especially in an industry that’s constantly changing.

Tell us more about your son…

My son is a wonderful blend of both me and his mom. He’s a people person—very outgoing and enthusiastic about new experiences. He loves going out and has a knack for reviewing things; we’re even considering starting a YouTube channel for him because his hotel and food reviews are fantastic.

He’s a child who enjoys YouTube and has strong opinions about the world. From his mom, he inherits a love for academics and shows remarkable intelligence and smarts. He’s also quite sensitive and emotional, which is something we nurture carefully. Despite his gentle nature, he can be a bit mischievous and loves playing games and golf.

What has been the most challenging aspect of parenthood so far?

Our experience as parents is an ongoing journey, and we hope the decisions we make will benefit our children in the future and shape them into the kind of people we envision. One of the significant challenges is questioning whether we’re parenting from a place of unresolved trauma or whether we’re over spoiling them.

We want our children to develop an independent mindset, work hard, and achieve things on their own. The other day on the radio, we discussed these parenting issues, which made me reflect on my own approach. It’s a consistent challenge for any parent to ensure that their decisions are genuinely in the best interest of their children, rather than just repeating what they experienced growing up.

I constantly ask myself if the choices I’m making are for their benefit and if what I offer is enough to help them become the best versions of themselves. For example, my wife sometimes allows our son to play close to the edge, knowing that if he gets hurt, he’ll learn from the experience. I warn him about potential dangers, but if he gets hurt, I remind him that it was a risk he took. This approach encourages him to explore and learn while understanding the consequences of his actions.

What do you handle discipline with your son?

It’s been very challenging, and I’m still learning. Growing up, corporal punishment was common, and I was often beaten. Now, we practice gentle parenting, which involves learning not to respond out of anger or frustration. It’s about not shouting when things get tough and understanding that our children are just being kids. My wife often reminds me, “He’s a kid; he’s supposed to act that way.”

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, I still find myself reacting out of frustration. There are moments when I shake my son or raise my voice, and then I apologise, sometimes with a piece of chocolate. It’s a constant struggle to avoid physical punishment, even though I was subjected to it growing up and it was considered effective at the time. I want to break that cycle and find better ways to parent. Another challenge is navigating influences from platforms like TikTok and YouTube, where other parents share their approaches. I do impose certain restrictions if he misbehaves, but I’m always trying to balance these influences with our own values and methods.

Please offer some advice to someone who is about to become a dad?

I would say I’m glad that you’re feeling scared because it shows you care and want to do things right. It’s important to have open conversations with your partner, especially during the early months and the second trimester, which are crucial for emotional well-being. The emotions and mindset of the mother can significantly impact the child, so supporting her during this time is essential. Be present from the moment you find out about the pregnancy. Have conversations, go for walks, and offer small treats. Your partner is carrying your child and holding a lot inside, so being supportive is crucial. We live in a world where men are allowed to be vulnerable and express their weaknesses, especially in circles where they feel safe and trusted.

I assist many men through direct messages because I understand that sometimes, when you’re feeling lost or confused, it helps to reach out for support. My aim is to offer judgment-free feedback from a place of understanding. So, be present, stay aware of what’s happening, and remember that your presence is more valuable than anything else. Today, it’s fantastic to see men sharing their thoughts and opinions online, especially when it comes to fatherhood.

Seven years ago, there were very few platforms for this kind of engagement. By posting about our kids and sharing our experiences, we’re transforming the way people view family dynamics. We can challenge the outdated notion that dads are absent by actively being present and engaged in our children’s lives.

How do you maintain a good relationship with your wife?

We make it a priority to listen to and respect each other. We recently revived our date nights, which had been missing for a while. It was exciting to have our first date night last week, especially since my wife had been feeling isolated for a long time. Date nights are crucial because they allow us to step away from daily routines and reconnect. Just because we’re married doesn’t mean we stop changing or evolving.

Date nights give us the opportunity to spend quality time together, have serious conversations about important topics like finances and future plans, and realign our goals. Keeping our relationship strong is essential because when we’re doing well, it positively impacts our children. I also want my son to understand that his mom is incredibly important to me, and that before her, there was a strong foundation in our relationship. We create a channel for emotional connection and support each other as much as possible. As long as we maintain this focus, I’m happy.

What is your most joyful activity to do with your family?

I absolutely love our family dinners. If there’s one thing we’ve really nurtured, it’s our culture of eating together. I remember last year during a holiday in George, after we checked into the hotel, my son said he missed my cooking. There’s something special about sitting down at the table at home—it completes the day and creates a beautiful, comforting routine.

Another thing I cherish is our game nights. My wife is really into games, and even though I’m sometimes tired, it’s a wonderful way to connect and create lasting memories. It’s these small moments that build a meaningful and enjoyable life, and looking back, I truly appreciate what we’ve built together.

What do you want your children to learn from you?

I hope they learn respect and how to care for others. I want them to understand that everything we’ve done was for them, even though we’ve also done things for ourselves. I often remind my wife that, while we are dedicated parents, we shouldn’t forget our own aspirations and the activities that are important to us. We still need to take vacations together and visit our favourite spots because those moments are crucial for us as a couple.

It’s important to keep our love strong, and I want my kids to see that. I dance with my wife and kiss her in front of them because I want them to experience what a loving relationship looks like. Growing up, I didn’t see much affection between my parents, and that shaped my view of love. I hope that by showing them consistent affection and commitment, my kids will have a different perspective on relationships.

I want my son and daughter to know what they want from a relationship and to never settle for less. I want them to understand that love is about mutual respect and effort, and to come from a family where love is evident. This is something we are committed to, and it’s a core value we strive to instill in them.

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